- If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
- Reply to everything someone says with "that's what you think."
- Practice making fax and modem noises during conversations.
- Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
- Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears and grimacing.
- Yell out random numbers when someone is counting.
- Staple pages in the middle of the page.
- Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a croaking noise.
- Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints at the cash register.
- TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
- type only in lowercase.
- dont use any punctuation either
- Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
- Ask people what gender they are.
- While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
- Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
- Sing along at the opera.
- Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
- Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles."
- Perform the "chicken dance" to every song at the club, then brag about your dancing skills to whoever is watching.
- Call a friend and tell them you bought them a gift and they should come over and get it, then when they arrive, don't answer the door.
- When you're in line at a red light, pretend you have fallen asleep when the light changes.
- Yell "Touchdown!" loudly at random times when you are doing your grocery shopping.
- Walk around with headphones on at the mall singing "Karma Chameleon" loudly.
- Respond to every statement people make with "If you only knew..." then snicker.
- Go up to the cashier at a department store and inquire where the bathroom is, then walk away waddling like a duck.
Saturday, September 8, 2007
How to Piss People Off
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